happy mother's day mama!

i really don't know if she'll be able to read this, she doesn't even know that a blog under my name exists, but then, i hope this will find its way to her :D

sabi nila, nasa huli raw ang pagsisisi.
kinalakihan ko ang panonood ng telenovela at lagi nalang, kapag namamatayan ng kapamilya, iyak ng iyak ang mga bida. kesyo hindi raw nila naparamdam sa mga mahal nila ang pagmamahal nila. at lumaki akong nakatatak sa isip ko na iparamdam sa mga tao sa paligid ko na mahal ko sila.

mama and i are really not that close when i was younger.
i was stubborn and she always scold me for being one.
laging pasaway, laging inaaway ang mga kapatid, sinungaling pa.
i was really not that mama's girl or papa's girl, ang tingin ko kasi sa kanila noon, kaaway. mga taong KJ na ayaw akong payagan sa mga gusto kong gawin. mga taong walang ginawa kungdi pagalitan ako ng pagalitan kapag hindi ako sumusunod sa kanila.
never akong nagsabi ng sikreto ko sa mama ko or kay papa.
pakiramdam ko kasi, hindi naman nila maiintindihan.
i grew up na kinaiinggitan ang mga friends ko dahil best friends nila ang mommy nila, wala silang tinatagong sikreto sa isa't isa. nakakapag-usap sila about anything and everything under the sun.
lumaki akong dinadasal na sana, yung mama ko, best friend ko din.
pero everytime na magkakaron ako ng chance na kausapin siya, the convo would always end up in misunderstanding.

but then things changed when i entered college.
actually, things changed when i had my first serious boyfriend.
dahil magmula noon, naramdaman ko na andiyan lang si mama for me, at ako yung lumalayo sa kanya all these time.
naging feel good na ung usapan namin.
hindi na rin niya ako masyadong pinapagalitan at ung ideas namin, though madalas pa din magkakontra, ay hindi na umaabot sa di pagkakaunawaan.

she made me feel so special at na kahit na anong gawin ko, mahal niya pa rin ako at hindi magbabago yun.

i did hurt her for a countless number of times, but then, she is still always there for me. na maski na mali mali ung desisyon ko sa buhay, andiyan lang siya, nakaalalay, sumusuporta, gumagabay.
sinasabihan na nga niya ako ngayon ng mga problema niya eh. at ganun rin ang ginagawa ko sa kanya.
kahit na sobra sobrang pasaway ko na (umiinom na ako, pero hindi nagyoyosi. naglalakwatsa at gabi na umuuwi), andiyan pa din siya for me, for us.
kahit na sobrang dami nang problemang pinagdadaanan niya sa buhay niya ngayon, hindi pa din siya nawawalan ng panahon para sa akin, para sa amin.
maski late siya nakakauwi, may time pa din para makapagkwentuhan kami. cute nga eh, parang magbarkada lang kami, kasi yung mga sinasabi ko sa barkada ko, sinasabi ko rin sa kanya. minsan nga, sa kanya ko lang sinasabi eh.

atlong last, natupad ung dasal ko.
bestfriend ko na ang mama ko.
at maski ilang ulit kong nasira ang tiwala niya noon, hindi pa din nagbago ung pagmamahal niya sa akin. tinatanggap niya ako maski ilang beses na akong nadapa. niyayakap niya ako maski ilang beses akong nagkamali. minamahal niya ako maski ilang beses ko na siyang nasaktan.

mahal na mahal ko ang mama ko.
at walang karapatan ang iba na saktan siya, wag lang nilang subukan, maski kamag-anak pa namin yan, ako ang makakalaban nila.

minamahal niya kami nang walang pag-aalinlangan.
sinusuportahan niya kami sa mga gusto naming gawin.
inaalalayan niya kami sa mga panahon na mahina kami.
at mama, sobrang salamat para diyan :)
sobrang salamat sa lahat.

i may not be the perfect daughter, obedient and respectful and all, but i do hope that you know that i'm trying to be the daughter, the person that you want me to be.
husgahan ka man ng ibang tao, alam kong alam mo naman na napalaki mo kami ng maayos. at walang dapat ipagduda dun.

mahal na mahal kita mama.
i may not always say those words, sana sa bawat araw na nagkukwentuhan tayo, sa bawat araw na inaabot tayo ng madaling araw sa pag uusap, nararamdaman niyo po un.
hindi ako perfect, pero i am trying to be the daughter that you want me to be. natuto na po ako sa mga pagkakamali ko. at hindi na ako gagawa ulit ng mga nakakalokang desisyon.
and i'm really trying my best para hindi na masira ang tiwalang binibigay niyo po sa akin.
mahal na mahal kita, at hindi kita iiwanan.

happy mother's day mama! :D

wtf.

haha. never had the chance to update my blog nung nakaraang buwan.

why? super busy.

with acad work (yes, i haven't graduated yet, but 'twas just fine. my parents would still support me until i graduate next school year. 'twas my fault anyway, so i promised them that i will not get married right after grad, i shall help them and build a house for my parents first :D)

with slight org work (yes, i am planning to be a bit detached from my orgs, though i will still be an active member. graduating is of the greatest importance, i won't do anything para madelay ulit)

with trying to get some sleep (with biopsych and trigo this summer, i haven't slept that nicely yet. but then again, i so love my subjects that its just alright to stay super late at night)

other than these, i'm quite good.

no commitment or whatsoever with anybody.

(yes, we already broke up. after almost a year of being together. but what's good about it is that we are the best of friends. haha. we're still clingy friends as of press time. and that's quite fine. less pressure. no commitment :D)

AND, i don't plan to be in a relationship in a few days, weeks, months, years time. yes, you read it right. quite tired with relationship shits and i'm not prepared to go through it all again. i might as well just focus on my studies :D
(you read it right dude, so why don't you just go away? as if i'd mind. lol)

will be enlisting for the first sem in a few days time :D
is excited for abnormal psychology.

wala nang updates. haha :))
yan lang.

babush :))

never felt this kind of rage before.

never akong nagsalita kapag nakakakita ako ng mga nagrarally sa paligid ko.

UP student ako at alam kong normal na iyon sa amin kaya maski kailan, hindi ako nagsalita.

sumusuporta pa nga ako kung minsan, lalo na't alam kong tama ang pinaglalaban nila.

pero ang ginawa nila nitong nakaraan?

na magsaboy ng pintura at mambastos ng isang chancellor, parang hindi ko na yata kayang tumahimik lang.

maikli lang naman ito.

parang hindi mga UP students kung umasta.

nakakabastos lang.

oo, may pinaglalaban sila, pero ilaban naman natin ito sa tamang paraan.

ipakita naman natin na maski nakakagago ang ginagawa ng board eh wag tayong bumaba sa level nila.

---

just saw the freakin news of another tuition increase.

wtf. from 1000 to 2,400?

tanginang yan.

akala ko ba state university ang UP??

bakit tataas na naman ang tuition?

marami pa nga ang hindi nakakarecover sa 300% increase nung 2006, sabay ngaun, tataas na naman?

anak ng pucha naman.

ano na ang UP? private school??

subsidized dapat tayo ng gobyerno, hindi ba?

kaya nga state university hindi ba?

pero ano na naman itong katarantaduhang mangyayari na magtataas na naman ng tuition?

paano na ang mga matatalinong mahihirap na gustong mag aral sa UP??

paano na nila maaabot ang pangarap nila??

ang isang normal na estudyante sa UP ay mayroon 15-20 units kada sem.

kung 2400 per unit na, halos 40,000 plus ang babayaran ng isang estudyante?

na wala nang kinaiba sa ibang mga pribadong paaralan sa tabi-tabi.

paano un??

akala ko ba premiere state U tayo??

bakit aabot ng ganoon kataas ang tuition?

eh kung ako ang estudyante, sabay ganun ang tuition, eh di sa private school na lang ako, all in pa ung ganung kataas na tuition. kumpara sa up na hindi pa kasama ang readings at iba pang mga requirements na kailangang gawin.

nakakahiya na.

kung ang 300% increase noong 2006 ay hindi ko ininda masyado, itong darating na increase ay tiyak na ipagra-rally ko na.

maski na hindi ko ito talaga gawain.

grabe, grabe lang.

nakakabastos. nakakawindang.

UP admin, gumising naman kayo.

para na ninyong pinilay sa mga matatalinong estudyante ang UP.

kung ganyan ang mangyayari, maihahanay na lang ang UP sa ibang private schools na mahal ang bayad, nawalan na tayo ng edge.

para na ninyong awa.

sana maging kayo ay mag-push ng greater state subsidy.

sapat na ang 1000 per unit ng mga mag-aaral for the next decade.

wake up, wake up.

wag magpa-alipin.

bigyan naman natin ng dangal ang 102 years old nating pamantasan.

saan ba napunta ang 300% increase?

ni hindi ninyo na pa nga naipapakita na tunay ngang may kinapuntahan ang mataas na bayarin kada sem, tapos ngayon, magtataas na naman.

maawa naman kayo.

maawa naman tayo.

magmalasakit naman tayo sa mga tunay na matatalino at nararapat na makapag-aral sa UP.

sige na naman, sige na naman.

Nicanor Perlas' Six Pillars Platform :)

My platform has Six Pillars. The first deals with eradicating the massive poverty, inequitable growth, lawlessness, and conflicts that plague our country. Our first pillar aims to Eradicate Poverty and Enhance Quality of Life for all, through, among others, a vibrant broad-based economy, social justice and peace.

The second addresses the pervasive corruption that is tearing the social fabric of the nation and rupturing the hearts and minds of Filipinos. Our second pillar therefore seeks to Advance Moral and Effective Governance in all institutions of society and all situations in life.



The third concerns itself with stopping the massive destruction of our ecology and our environment. Our third pillar seeks to Uphold the Integrity of Creation and respectfully partner with it as our source of life.



Our fourth pillar seeks to Build Partnerships for Social Justice. We want to introduce a new approach to real participatory governance and authentic democracy. No one can solve the problems of the country alone… tayong lahat ang kailangan upang mabago ang ating bansa. This means government working together with civil society and business in the pursuit of social justice and creating a better country.



The fifth pillar strives to Promote Creative Education and Inner Change. Better schools, colleges and universities, drawing out the many talents, intelligences, and potentials of students, are crucial. Equally as important is self-directed education and transformation. At the end of the day, it’s important to also address the factor of inner change—taking responsibility for changing our hearts and minds. No one can do our inner work for us. And there can be no genuine change in a system or institution if the people who work there do not change. Depressed, apathetic, and poorly trained people cannot create visionary and high-performance organizations, much less a world-inspiring country. Individual and cultural transformation are the foundations of the other pillars.



And then finally, the Sixth Psixillar of the platform aims to Mainstream Visionary Initiatives. There are thousands of promising initiatives throughout the country in a wide variety of fields that already point the way forward to another, much better Philippines. We will reward innovation. We will systematically discover, magnify and multiply these existing success stories.



This platform with its Six Pillars recognizes that everything is interconnected and requires a multidisciplinary approach. Ang lahat ng bagay ay magkaugnay. Reducing poverty, for example, is not simply about appropriate government policies that strengthen the economy, creates jobs and minimizes the adverse aspects of globalization. Poverty reduction also requires significant advances in peace, culture, including education, health care, sanitation, clean water, housing, micro-finance, nutrition and of course, agriculture and asset reform among others.



We are talking about a practical platform of sustainability that recognizes all of these connections. We cannot transform the system if the system is plagued with corruption. But you cannot get rid of corruption if you don’t involve the citizenry in changing behavior. And you cannot change if there’s no inner change. Everything is interrelated and systemic.

real.

but then, my fault again.

this post would be a bit vague.

not holding on to anything.

even have a grudge against you.

well, yeah, but then.

do hope you at least became freakin honest to me.

sinong user?

sinong nag-rebound?

people just can't let go,i guess.

people just can't be sensitive about other else's feelings.

oh well, yeah, my fault.

stupid me. nagpaloko.

i guess people from that province really do nothing good to their "kapwa".

hope good karma returns to you.

BAD VIBES.

happy march! :)

so far so good.
no failed exams in biology.
still passing in psych of language.
holding on to food science.
what about the other 3 more subjects?
i just do hope my professors would just drop me.

this past days of March has been a real good one for me.
had the chance to bond and spend some quality time with people i missed the most.


attended dzup radio circle's college collision last week saturday.
had the chance to meet the RC's new blood.
bonded with Tim over Mcdo food.
super kwentuhan, and super higpit din ng yakap niya sa akin.
i really missed RC.


bonded with jeni last tuesday over chicken fillet and strawberry fruity twist.
we then took pictures sa garden area ng greenfield district.
abused the wi-fi service sa mcdo panay, naglaro kasi kami ng pet society.
i so love jen :)


wednesday was judgment day.
as it was the deliberations of the probee apps of buklod isip.
good thing wo de airen passed the delibs with flying colors :)
after that, hurried to kappp's tambayan for the annual meeting de avance.
realizations about the upcoming elections washed through me, but then again, i already have plans for my remaining year, can't let anything get to me again. i seriously need to graduate.
went to greenwich after the MDA.
it was until that day that i realized how much i miss kappp and my orgmates.
had a really great time eating pizza and laughing and talking about everything that crossed our minds.


thursday was buklod isip's meeting de avance.
so happy that the new members are stepping up and are finally answering the call to serve our beloved organization.
my buddy, kuya ted, was there.
to support us and the candidates as well.
ate aya even joined us for dinner.
(we ate at jollibee, super masa lang talaga, pulubi mode :D)
i missed how buklod was before, but then again, okay na rin naman at marami na kami ngayon ^^


friday was another bonding day with kappp, but this time, with my number one buddy, eejay :)
went to technohub to eat, and then played at timezone.
grabe, super stress reliever ang pang pang paradise.
sa wakas, nakasama na rin namin si oyie, na eversince ay super busy sa council work.
super dami kong nadiskubre. haha, nasa facebook account ko ung ilan sa mga iyon :)
had so much fun blowing bubbles. haha.

back to childhood days ang drama namin :))


got home at midnight and then nagyaya si tita ana na kumain sa katipunan to celebrate tito joseph's birthday.
ang saya lang :)
kopi roti after eating sa countryside restaurant..


went to starbucks with shella this saturday.
bonded over frappe and fries.
matagal kaming hindi nagkita, and it was really good na nagkita at nagkakwentuhan kami ulit :)
super dami ko nang hini alam, buti nagka-chance na mag-catch up.
we will both be back sa mer on may :)
sooo happy!!!

and then dined with my family sa tiendesitas.
what a wonderful way to end my oh-so-wonderful-and-fabulous week! :)

wow. i super love march :)

welcome march! :)

hahaha, welcomed march with a big bang!
two exams in one day.
kmusta naman un di ba?

had a great time answering my exam in food science and nutrition class, kaso, nabobo naman ako sa pagsasagot sa biology exam ko.
damn it, super duper nosebleed ung mga terms na ginamit ng prof, paano ko naman masasagutan un??
hindi pa ako nakapag aral nang mabuti dahil nag-tulog ako sa CAL lib, 3am na kasi ako nakatulog kaka-aral para sa FN exam.

3 lang subject ko ngayong sem..
bonggang bongga..
napakasipag ko talaga, lulubusin ko pa ang ieextend kong isang taon sa UP.
oh well, at least may nagawa akong productive sa pagstay ko sa UP.
contributions sa org.
sa college student council.
sa tatsulok (inter-university alliance of filipino psychology students).
nakapag-present pa ako ng research paper sa psychology students conference.
at least may nagawa akong kapaki-pakinabang. :)

kaso, marso na.
karamihan sa batchmates ko, graduating na.
ako, eto, may isang taon pa.
nagsisisi nga ba ako?
o matutuwa na maski nag-extend ako ay may panahon pa ako para pagisipan ang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin?
hmmmm. think positive na lang.
for the good naman kung bakit eh.
hindi dahil bagsak bagsak na ako.
kundi dahil may mas gusto lang talaga akong gawin.
at un ay ang pagtuunan ng pansin ang orgs ko. :)

anyway, i do hope march is a better month for me.
sana wala nang masyadong maging aberya since patapos na ang sem.
basta, think ahead and focus na lang ako..
UP LAW, dadating din ako diyan :)